This week I started a two-week long training camp in Georgia to prepare me and my team for our ministry in Nicaragua and Costa Rica. In just the two full days I’ve had here, there’s already been such abandonment, growth, pain, discomfort but most importantly a new dependency on Jesus and His word that I haven’t ever experienced before. 

In one of the sermons we have been given, we discussed Matthew 6:25-34 and it was very convicting. I worry about a lot of things a lot of the time. I worry I will never learn how to dress, I worry I will never learn how to French braid my own hair, I wont know what to do with my life, I worry people don’t like me, I worry I’m behind, I worry about the future of myself and loved ones. I am often consumed and debilitated by these anxious thoughts but God is slowly using this experience to break down so many of the lies that I have believed my whole life. 

Training camp has removed so many distractions and comforts that I have previously been dependent on for joy (like my phone, bed, shower, normal toilet, food, privacy, and especially vaping). When I am stripped of all of this and feel so naked, I was redirected to see His kingdom. This is a different dependence on the Lord than what I previously had because He is truly all I have and more than enough to fulfill my heart and needs. Now, I have began to notice, I don’t worry about what clothes I will wear, if they’re dirty or clean, what meals we will eat, if it will keep me full, when I can fill up my bucket for a shower, if it will rain on my drying clothes on the clothesline and so many other unknowns. We fellowship beautifully in bucket showers and washing our clothes in soapy buckets. I imagine Heaven may be this way. This is my little slice of the Kingdom, I will work hard to carry it with me to Central America and when I return home. This is an extremely uncomfortable and hard time but a sweet, sweet season of life. He remains good yesterday, today and tomorrow. 

P.S. I decided to really step out in my faith and quit a 4.5 year long addiction to vaping, cold-turkey for this trip. And wow… I have tried to quit on my own before and failed miserably but He shows up in so many miraculous ways!! I thought i would be enslaved by this addiction for my lifetime, but I was putting the Creator of the Universe into a limited box. He has carried me through the nasty stages of quitting nicotine with His grace and love. It has been hard but He alone made it possible. 

Thank y’all for the support and for listening to me!

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