These last couple weeks have been some of the hardest of my life. Hard lessons were learned and are still being taught but I have seen the hand of God uphold me when I thought I couldn’t continue. He gave me illogical peace and friendships I feel like I don’t deserve. As this trip comes to a close, I can confidently say, Jesus was and is more than sufficient. Although I have grown up very familiar with the verse “My grace is sufficient for you…” (2 Cor. 12:9), I honestly admit I did not fully believe it. I knew this verse in my head but it’s truth never penetrated my heart. Before this trip, I was walking two sides of the road. I told people around me that Jesus was sufficient and all I needed but I still couldn’t go 45 minutes without my vape or a week without drinking or go anywhere without the comfort of my phone. Going on this trip, I really wanted to see that if I gave it all up, if He was really all I had, would I be satisfied? I am. I’m not gonna sugar coat anything though; I still crave nicotine daily, my flesh still wants to numb the hard feelings with alcohol and I still struggle killing myself trying to get people to like me. I’ve come to accept that my flesh will always be in opposition with my spirit but that I am not fighting this battle alone and one day the battle will be finished for good. There’s a line from the song, Where I Find God, that has consistently been stuck in my head this trip and it says “you can’t find peace like this in a bottle or a pill.” If that ain’t the damn truth. In Matthew 11:28-30 Jesus says, “Come to me all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” There is such profound peace in this. Jesus came to take away the heavy burden of religion and works so that we could have peace being reconciled to our Creator who loves us intensely. We don’t have to strive to earn love or numb ourselves to erase the pain of feeling unloved in light of the Gospel. In our ministry this week, we took this message and the Gospel to the streets of San Jose in the Red Zone.

Many of the men that are so dear to me from the Teen Challenge Men’s Center here are from these same streets and now have completely different lives and incredible testimonies. Monday and Tuesday night, we witnessed in the streets from about 9:45 pm to 2:30 or 3 am. That was the closest thing to hell that I’ve seen so far in my life. People drunk off rubbing alcohol, a lot of crack, human urine and feces on the ground, Venezuelan refugee families sleeping on the streets, people sleeping on nothing more than a piece of cardboard, prostitutes and pimps and a heavy atmosphere of hopelessness. It was beyond sobering. When we are left to our own devices, it just destroys everything. This vicious cycle of addiction with crack and alcohol in the Red Zone has destroyed people’s families and lives. But WHILE we were still sinners Christ died for us. WHILE we are in addiction in this life, Christ’s grace is still extended to us. We got to pray over a lot of people and tell them about this grace. What a privilege it was to hold the hands of and hug men and women who desperately wanted change for their lives and to grieve with them but to then be able to tell them that they are deeply loved by the Creator of the world. God graciously allowed me to see that they are all just His lost sheep. They are precious in His eyes. If they wanted to take the next step in changing their lives following Jesus, Max (the head of Teen Challenge here) offered to pay for their bus tickets back to the Men’s rehab center Wednesday morning if they showed up at the station. There were many men who seemed very excited and willing but didn’t end up showing up to the station. That sucked. There was also a pregnant woman who had the opportunity to come and did not show up. But God still softened the hearts, (even when we thought they were too intoxicated to understand us,) of 13 men to show up at the bus station that morning. There were only 4 beds available at the mens center. 5 men left the station when they found out how long or difficult the program seemed. There was a man who had slept at the bus station so he wouldn’t forget and could be the first one there and he was told they didn’t have a bed for him. He sat there completely devastated and hopeless. This was absolutely heart breaking to see any hope he had in God just completely leave his countenance. But then one of the Teen Challenge leaders, Diego, found a way to get this man and the others who were turned away a place to sleep at the center. Diego came to the man and told him to come get on the bus. The man kicked his plastic grocery bag holding all of his possessions away and ran onto that bus. That was beautiful to watch. God made a way. It was the privilege of a lifetime to bring Jesus’ light into such a dark place. Some people didn’t want to hear what we had to say but there were so many precious moments that I could see a visible lightness or peace wash over someone we prayed over. I pray the men at the center remember daily why they wanted to change their lives, but more importantly, I hope Jesus becomes real to them and they fall more and more in love with Him daily. 

I am also so honored to have been a part of helping to finish the new Women with Children Teen Challenge Rehab center here these last couple weeks. The building will house and help rehabilitate and teach women with children or who are pregnant about Jesus and how to change their lives. Seeing children on the streets of San Jose was heartbreaking and I pray women that come to the center will find it to be a peaceful, protected environment where they can learn more about the love their Heavenly Father has for them. As I write this on November 11th, the inauguration of the Women with Children’s center is tomorrow. I’m honored to have gotten to see the house to its completion. I will never forget painting walls, scrubbing floors, picking up wood, laying rocks and running from scorpions with my team. This group of girls has become the sisters I never had and they were an answered prayer from God. They have all shown me Jesus in different ways and I will carry what I have learned from them for the rest of my life. I love my girls. The men we have gotten to spend time with from the Men’s Center have also become so dear to me. I pray they continue with God’s strength on their journeys to recovery and that they find restoration in Jesus for their families and relationships. Those men are some of the most gentlemanly, hardworking, Christ-like people I have ever met and I can’t wait to see them all again in Heaven one day.

My own strength, joy and endurance was spent a long time ago on this trip. These last weeks I couldn’t imagine how I would make it to this point. But every single day, God gave me His joy and strength sufficient for that day. Paul says in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, ‘ “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made my perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. ‘ This is truth. I never could have done this trip of my own strength. I would’ve left that first week if He hadn’t held my hand the whole way. His grace really is sufficient. I will still be learning how to live in His grace until I die, but the moments I do let my pride go and give Him control, there is abundant life. I’m going to make a lot of mistakes, this just reminds me daily that all I have to offer is “a broken and contrite heart” (Psalm 51:17). 

Well that’s the end of this chapter. I am going to quote a woman I admire dearly, Tracey Baker. Mrs. Baker told me before I left for this trip that no matter what country I’m in, I am always in the same hands. Even coming back to the States, I am still being upheld by His hands. We all are forever in the hands of the One who has the ultimate victory in the end. How sweet.

Thank y’all for keeping up with me. I am so incredibly grateful for the support that allowed me to experience such an incredible trip and all of the love that encouraged me along the way. I am overwhelmed by gratitude to God for allowing me to meet so many incredible people and be apart of building His kingdom. Every challenge was worth it. Thank y’all again so much. Bye bye blog

• <3 Sylvie